I recently spoke to a friend who attended a communication seminar. Among other things, it was about motivating others to communicate, to listen instead of producing all the time. (Active listening and empathy instead of ego-based self-affirmation is another topic itself.) He also spoke of techniques to solve problems better in a group or to progress towards problem-solving.
To solve problems that we produce ourselves. We are so focused on trying to solve problems everywhere and all the time. A very masculine quality in a very masculine society. We are so absorbed in problem-solving that we don't even notice that we put ourselves in a self-made hamster wheel. The problems that need to be solved are always created by us. More precisely, we create them in our language, in our heads. How many times a day do we use the word "problem"? One problem here and one there. Problems wherever you go. Society seems almost based on problems. An even more (pun!) problematic level of it is when one feels empty by not having problems to solve. To feel useless or one’s time does not feel effectively used. You cannot get rid of what you just have created yourself.
It would be advisable to check our language. Instead of talking about problems, one can throw in challenges, tasks, or goals. This can help to create a new awareness. As is well known, our language shapes our thoughts and vice versa. So, speaking less about problems would help to get out of our victim role. As victims of life, in which we are driven by the seemingly (!) problematic life, against our will, impotent. Instead, we can remember to join in challenges together. Challenges that follow a specific goal. One gets from the “I have to” to an “I may”. To a participant in life, not a driven one. To have responsibility. To have creative influence. Likewise, the actual goal of the respective challenge or task comes back to the center of consciousness. The real WHY.
A lot of energy, a lot of productivity and creativity, a lot of (vital) strength and joy silted up in the gears of problem thinking. "Life is a struggle and full of problems". Of course, nobody says it's easy. But what would life be without challenges? Without hard times, no good times. Without active, vigorous times there is no recovery, no relaxation. Yin-Yang. ☯️ Away from the problems and the victim roles, towards the own responsibility and understanding why one is allowed to tackle them.
It is also particularly important to understand that we shall cultivate the acceptance for what is and what has happened so far. If we cannot accept the current state of the world, the people, and ourselves, but also the path that has brought us here, we will automatically find ourselves in a dilemma. Non-acceptance of what is, is: "a problem". One creates the basis for new, endless problems. Why should one make a problem of the past or the now? Problem basically means the denial of now, “I don't want that”, “I'm against it”. But reality shows us completely neutral: everything is as it is. It is exactly like that and not different. No wish-you-what, no excuses, no "would haves, could haves… ". All of this is a victim role play. A denial of life itself. A denial of the law of nature, the existence of everything.
Shall we get out of our victim roles and accept, embrace of is. In all of its apparently (!) “chaotic” form. We don't have to understand everything, we don't have to find everything great, and definitely we can and should advocate change and progress and tackle challenges. But we shall avoid making a single problem out of what is, like driven people without personal responsibility, being flushed through life from one problem to another.
Back to communication training, in which we should learn to solve our problems better…. Do you notice something? 😉
Problem solving (like so many others) begins within each and every one of us. Start inside, not outside.
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